Monday, July 16, 2007

Are you Prepared to stay married

A friend sent Me this story ... and i felt that this captured the real depth of marriage....
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When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called 'Someone'. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she this was a divorce by mutual consent. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent almost six year of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved 'someone' else dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with 'someone'. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told 'someone' about my wifes divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.

I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given almost six years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell 'somone' this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. 'Someone' opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, 'someone', I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, 'someone', I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart.

'Someone' seemed to suddenly wake up। She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote:

"I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart"

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!


17 comments:

Preeti Shenoy said...

This was really touching.I just shared it wih my husband and a whole lot of my friends.

Niall young said...

Hi Vineet..Yes, I was fortunate enought to have this posted to me by PS. I read it and cried..My wife and I both work in unconventional jobs and often find being both self employed we miss spending time with eachother...I will learn from this piece. Thank you for sharing it!

Bubbles said...

I do not share your views. Men cannot change no matter how good or beautiful a wife they have. Of course they always want the security of marriage which they do not want to upset and they will probably love their wifes and children, but that doesn't stop them from chasing other women. It is evident all around us.

Bubbles said...

I do not share your views. No matter how good or beautiful a wife they have, men will still run after other women. Ofcourse they also want the security of their marriage, which they don't want to upset. They probably feel insecure without their wives and children, but that still does not stop them from wandering.

I have seen marriages of many years also going through these phases, some end up in divorces some manage to continue with the marriage as the husband usually goes on his knees pleading for the wife not to go for a divorce, and continues with his ways until the wife finds out again.

Vinny said...

Bubbles: Everyone has a right to their own opinion. No opinion is wrong becauset it is based on their own experiences. We all look at a glass from different perspectives. Having said this and based on what I have seen in life I feel that it is unfair to brand half of the world population based on handful of our experiences. I am not denying that there are some fools who don't understand what marriage is all about but that set is not limited only to men. We all know about women committing adultery - Don't we? ..

And security from marriage .. isn't that what we all look forward to as human beings. And I totally disagree if it is generalized that marriage is only confined to security. Yes security is a vital element of a married life but there is way more to marriage than just security.

Another thing, being good (internally) or beautiful (or handsome) of one of the partners is not a essential for having a good married life. What is more important is honesty, love, communication and respect in a relationship. if you have these four then beauty and "goodness" can take a backseat. Remember even criminals (low on "goodness" quotient) have wives who love them more than anything in life.

But then these are my opinion and i ts ok if you differ from what i think. Peace

Bubbles said...

Vineet, I know a case where there is everything good about the marriage with all the ingredients you have mentioned above. Each thinks there couldn't be a better partner. I would call them the perfect couple if I didn't know otherwise.

Ofcourse I agree with you that it happens both ways. I would have loved to say more but I think the less said the better.

Preeti Shenoy said...

I totally agree with vineet.Not all men run after other women.For every married man that i know who has had an affair, i also know of three married women whho have cheated on their husbands.(Not kidding--every recently it happened to a friend of mine.She was out with her lover,behind her husban's back, and unfortunately met with an accident upon which everything came to light.The other two women i know continue to do so--they have their reasons) I think if one wants to stray, it doesnt deoend on gender.A man can stary--a woman can stray. What is really important is to KEEP the love alive, and the effort has to come from BOTH.

Preeti Shenoy said...

So many typos!(but I think you got what I was trying to say)Must check for typos--must check for typos (mental note to myself)

asha said...

Hi Vinny, I am visiting from P's blog, beautiful post, it bought tears into my eyes, thanks for sharing. :)

annie said...

Am a first timer to your blog..is this your real story? More comments on it after u have affirmed this :)

annie said...

Ooops i just realised it's a story sent by ur friend.I shud b more careful with everi text now. So Sorry..

I said...

Touchin. Quite tragic that.. it happens..

I said...

Touchin indeed.. Quite tragic that its happening.. and it will happen more often , in the comin years... as life revolves more around work and money..

Anonymous said...

Marriage is a big commitment. Like any activity at some point of time the relationship can saturate. Even though you still would have the love & fondness the commitment can stray especially when you allow your heart to drift.

The best way to keep it afloat is to care and share. Humour and passion are extremely important in keeping the interest up in a relationship.

Anonymous said...

Hi Vineet,

I definitely liked your story. Its the little things that count.

Rest everything falls in place.

Ravi

Aathira Nair said...

I was really touched when someone sent me this post. Its so true, its so easy to believe you are out of ' love', but actually you might just not be giving it enough time.

I pray everyday that the smaller things in life never leave me and this post only made me realize that this is what I want even more now!

Anand said...

Interesting Read! Also interesting were some of the other poetry on your blog. I am guessing they are your compositions.